


How Do These Hearts Unfold?

by tomoyofanel



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, Fantasy, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash, World Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 06:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/719812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomoyofanel/pseuds/tomoyofanel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jefferson felt like he lived many different lives in many different realms. As he changed in every point in his lifetime, there was this man who did the same, going in the opposite direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The song of the Unloved Hatter

**Author's Note:**

> \- English isn't my first language. I apologize for my mistakes. :)  
> \- 5times when Jefferson met Hook.  
> \- In my headcanon, Killian is Captain Hook AND Peter Pan.  
> \- Based on “How Do These Hearts Unfold” by Raised by Swans.  
> \- Disclamer: I don’t own OUAT, I only miss Sebastian Stan and Jefferson and dream about a Jefferson/Killian meeting.

**01.** _They dreamt about freedom, about being young forever. Killian had a pure heart no grownups never destroyed as Jefferson’s one was eaten by the bitterness of not being loved._

~

It was his birthday. Jefferson usually didn’t like this day because no one ever was in the castle to say  _“Happy Birthday Jefferson”._  It was  _“Happy Birthday young master”_  when the servants remembered it. However, his father made an exception this particular day. Not that he told him  _“Happy Birthday Jefferson”_  but the intention was there when he said “You are wiser now, huh?” The old man eyed Anna, his nursemaid, with a skeptical look, and then turned to his son again. “I’ve been told you’ve been a responsible child lately—“

“I’m not a child anymore, father.” Jefferson corrected him with a fierce indignation. He regretted it as soon as the words came out. Fortunately, his father seemed in a good mood enough to not correct  _him_.

“Anna said you brilliantly carry out your duties and that you excel in history and geography, two important matters for people like us.” The compliment was so unexpected that Jefferson forgot to thank him. The old man didn’t pay attention to his reaction anyway. He kept on his track with boredom in the voice as if he said this kind of things every day. He didn’t. “It’s a good thing because today is the day when you receive your inheritance.” He paused and made a sign to the nursemaid who stepped in the room again with a hatbox in her hands. Jefferson didn’t notice she left. He watched her every move, apprehending what would happen next, fearing she would disappear with the precious object if he didn’t.

He knew, he heard of it, but never dreamt of the legacy he knew would be his. His sixteenth birthday. He was pretty sure the right age was eighteen but he wouldn’t say anything, too afraid his father would realize his mistake.

As Jefferson stayed silent Anna cleared her throat. He gulped and whispered something like a light  _“thank you, father”_. His eyes embraced the shape of the box. He was fascinated by the sound of the leather when his nursemaid opened it. Then, the Hat was there. The most marvelous thing he ever heard of.

His father spoke again but Jefferson didn’t really pay attention. He felt the magic for the first time in his life, the Hat called him and it was like it said his name. It said  _“Happy Birthday Jefferson”_  and nothing in the world could ever charm him like this.

“This object will show you some wonders.”

He would never doubt of this statement.    

“Use it carefully and it won’t be a burden.”

The Hat could travel between time and space. He never expected his father to give him such a gift for his sixteenth birthday but who was he to complain? He was so excited he spent the rest of the day running in the forest. He couldn’t try it right now, without a tutor with him. He was so impatient he couldn’t breathe when he stayed still in the castle, between heavy walls. 

“What does it mean  _between time and space_?” Jefferson asked his nurse. The young woman sighed and leaned into his space. He liked it every time she did. She might be stern sometimes but she still had a gorgeous chest.

She whined and cleaned his dirty face with a tissue. “I guess it is yours to figure out.” Her gesture was so vigorous it prickled. He tried to step away, which annoyed her. “Stop being childish. You are so scruffy again! Where did you play this time, huh?” He shrugged and she sighed like every time he did. Yet, this time was different because she didn’t leave him to it. “You’re sixteen now and you carry your family legacy. You can’t go in all the dirty places like a savage. You’re a gentleman for good sake. Someday, you’ll be as esteemed as your father. A lot of people will come to you and please you for benefiting your gift.”

Jefferson wanted the hat, the money, the respect, all of these things people never stopped promising to him. However, he couldn’t stand it when they forced him into boredom. A gentleman can he not enjoy himself?

“It sounds really appealing, indeed.” He says deadpan.

Anna shook her head before she stood straight and made him whirl but he faced her again. “Now go take a bath before anyone sees how unruly you really are.” Jefferson didn’t move, more to see the annoyed frown on her face than because he didn’t want to bath. “You! Impossible child!” She made him turn again but pushed him forward this time.

He laughed. “You love how impossible I can be.” He winked at her and she rolled her eyes. When he would be older, he would seduce her. It could definitely be helpful.

As expected, the ball was boring. He never liked the pretense, people with an inflated sense of their own importance and the girls who girly giggled because he looked at them. These girls were all the same, he wouldn’t ever land his eyes to their kind. Girls and obligations, two things he hated. Beside Anna, he always ignored women when they gesticulated in front of him. He loved the curves of their body, the roundness of their chest, the scent of their neck, the curls in their hair and the kiss in the corner of their lips. He still couldn’t stand them more than one hour. The last time he played with a girl, the fragile child slowed him in his adventure. He wanted it. An adventure with no woman in his life. He wanted to be a hero. He wanted to be free. Forever. He would be free once he would use the Hat. He hated these walls. The castle was luminous but there was nothing in it but mirrors. The light was outside and the mirrors in the walls tried to trick him with their reflection. He didn’t believe in the mirrors. He wanted to feel the real sunlight. The castle was stifling. The air was faked. He believed in something else. He wanted to be something else himself. Nothing was real here.  _He_  wasn’t real  _here_.

“What are you doing?”

Jefferson stood straight as soon as he heard a reproach in his father’s voice. “Nothing, father.” The old man groaned. He  _did_  nothing.

“That is my point, Jefferson.” And he only said his name when he was disappointed. “Why are you not dancing with one of our guests?” Jefferson suffocated. He forced a smile in apology and nodded. He was about to walk to the group of giggling girls when his father stopped him. “You will dance later. I have someone for you to meet.” The boy raised one eyebrow. He was sure his father wasn’t proud enough to introduce him to anyone. He felt warmth inside of his chest. What if his father was proud of him after all these years waiting for his approval?

Jefferson didn’t have time to enjoy the feeling; a man, the skin like a crocodile, went into his personal space and stared at him curiously, judging him with a skeptical look. He knew this man. He spent most of his time in the castle like he owned the place. Anna gave him to understand that he kind of did. The man made Jefferson so uncomfortable he was about to say something when he reminds himself that his father would probably slap him for his rudeness. That was before the crocodile touched his cheek. His jaw fell but one finger went in the cavity, slid on his tongue and disappeared into the unusual man’s mouth. Jefferson went still, disgusted by the move but appealed by the taste. The idea nearly made him shock. Then he recognized it.

_Magic._

“Hmm! Oh boy, I was wrong, you’re quite talented.” His voice was a song of promises.

“Ahem.” Jefferson looked his father in a naked expression of choc. “Rumplestilskin will be your tutor.”

Jefferson forgot all about keeping a gentleman attitude and went for a childish one “What?” because he expected – hoped – that his father would be the one teaching him how to use the Hat. “You were supposed to—“

“Don’t make a scene, Jefferson. Rumplestilskin is our most valuable friend in all the land. You must be grateful.”

“That’s alright! The boy will be a good apprentice as you told me he will be.”

Jefferson took a deep breath and focused on keeping it low. The betrayal made his blood boil. “It will be an honor to be your apprentice, Sir.”

“So polite. So charming. So…” He licked his lips “ _powerful_.”

The Crocodile smirked. He looked elsewhere for a moment and asked to be excused. His father glared at him and left the ballroom. Jefferson didn’t understand. He wanted to understand, he was older enough to.

“Father!”

“What are you yelling in the corridors for?” His father hissed between his teeth. Jefferson didn’t care if he was heard. He wanted to be heard. He waited for this day his entire life. The day when his father would teach him how to use the family legacy should have been a glorious, magic and happy one. It was nothing like that in the real world, only a bitter feeling was left.

“Why aren’t you my teacher? I always thought it will be—“

“Don’t be so ridiculous, I don’t have time for you and even if I had, the choice isn’t mine.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you’ll be older, you’ll understand the matter of deals. You have to serve Rumplestilskin, that’s all you need to know.” And he left as if the conversation was over. It was over. Jefferson just wasn’t ready for it.

He didn’t go back to the ball, didn’t dance with some girly idiot and instead went for the Hat room. It was the only room he never saw so he was curious. There was nothing special in it but the Hat. He didn’t look for anything else anyway. All the magic, all the power… Jefferson opened the box and touched it. There it was. He never saw anything more perfect.

He heard a sound.

He looked around but nothing moved. He waited. No more sound. He went back to his contemplation. He had no idea how the magic object worked and he didn’t dare to experiment. It would be a challenge. It would be audacious. Stupid.

“The mouse lost itself.”

Jefferson jumped and tried to hide the Hat, in vain. The Crocodile was there and walked closer with an frightening smile on his face.

“I didn’t expect our first lesson so soon.”

 _“Don’t tell my father, Sir”_  was the first thing he thought but he was way too proud to beg. Instead, he said “I couldn’t wait.” The dare in his voice surprised him as well. It was the magic in the Hat. All the power in it. How good would it feel when he would use it? The thought of it made him shiver.

“Well, you’re sure like your mother.”

Jefferson forgot everything for a moment. “You knew my mother?” The question sounds like a fragile breathe. He didn’t care for now.

“Indeed.” He didn’t elaborate. He turned around the young man, eyes went up and down. “I was right, you don’t look like it but there is more magic in you that it should.” Jefferson didn’t understand what the man was talking about but it sounds positive.

“Can we start?” He asked when he realized  _Rumplesomething_  wouldn’t say anything else about his dead mother. “ _Please?_ ” The dare in the voice again. The man made one more circle around Jefferson before he giggled. He was ridiculous but majestic. Disturbing. Annoying. “Well? Didn’t you implied I was ready for it?”

“Cocky. I like it. You’ll go places, boy.”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not a child anymore.” Jefferson corrected him as he did with his father. He didn’t sound so petulant this time at least.

The  _Rumplething_  smirked, “Are you sure about that?”

“Let’s find out.” Jefferson handed him the Hat and raised an eyebrow.

Rumplechinskin looked him a while. He had this way to make you uncomfortable, really… “There are so many things you’ll do for me…” He whispered with something in the voice. Jefferson couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was but it felt…  _human_. It felt  _real_. He suddenly realized nothing was real before his sixteenth birthday. Everything was just… a reflection. He found freedom for the first time in his life. He wasn’t just a child in a castle. He was a Realm Jumper. He would be once the Hat would allow him to.

The Hat vibrated. “Oh. What was that?” Rumplestithing asked with a thrilling voice “It seems like you find your switch. Pretty impressive!”

_This object will show you some wonders._

“How can I get it to work?”

“How would I know? It is yours.” His gesture was ridiculous as he said it, his index right to his chest, his heart.

Who the hell was this man? “Excuse me? Aren’t you my tutor?”

“I can tell you about the power of your bloodline. I can tell you what your switch is. But the bond between you and this,” he patted the Hat, “I can’t interfere; only you can hear its song.”

_The song of the Hat._

As curious as it seemed, it made sense. Jefferson heard the voice of the Hat this morning. Tonight, he wanted to hear it again. It would make it feel free again. He would jump in the hat and slide on its curves. He would feel the magic of it in his veins every time he would use it. They would whirl together in the wind between time and space.

“Between time and space…” he said out loud. It didn’t make any sense this morning.

Now it did.

Jefferson played with the Hat. His hands embraced the curves, his fingers caressed the silk, his skin prickled against the magic and soon he danced with it. A purple mist came out of the hole and when his hand touched, it was exhilarating. With a calculating move, he twirled it as if he was dancing with a woman, he extended his arm and let the Hat flowed on the floor. It melted with the ground and the hole grew wider and wider. Jefferson sighed. All the magic in the room… it was like the first breath he ever took.

“Wonderful dearie. It’s time to jump now.”

“Jump? Now? Without knowing where it leads?” Rumple nodded. “Someone already told you that you were a mad man?”

Rumple laughed as if Jefferson told him the biggest joke in the universe, “If you only knew!” He didn’t want to know, really but he smirked despite of himself. He was starting to like the Crocodile. Perhaps he was the one going mad.

Jefferson jumped in the black hole.

And the lagoon caught him.  

Jefferson never learned how to swim. He hated the lake behind the castle because the servants told him his mother drowned in it. He didn’t want to learn how to swim because he was afraid he would enjoy it. He couldn’t let himself enjoy such a dangerous thing.

He screamed for help but the water swallowed his voice. He could almost see the sound formed a bubble. He did it again but no one would hear him. It was the way of his life. No one ever listened.

The Hat appeared in the corner of his eye. It stopped twirling and was coming up to surface. Jefferson reached for it and when he caught it, he tried to make it work again before he drowned. It didn’t work. Why didn’t it work? It had to work.

Nothing came out of the Hat.

Suddenly, something coiled around him. It felt like water except it wasn’t. He saw a red flash in the blue lagoon. He didn’t know what it was until he heard the song. It wasn’t the Hat this time. He was pulled to the surface. He tried to keep the oxygen in his lungs but he couldn’t. He suffocated. He held the Hat tighter. When he breathed again, he tried to get free but what helped him didn’t let go until he could reach a rock. He went out of the water as if it was a blazing inferno. He stood up on the rock and looked around him.

Jefferson saw the trees touching the sky and the leaves on fire, he felt the nice breeze, and he heard magic love songs coming from the lagoon… but there was only one thing he was paying attention: the mermaid which just saved his life.

“You are a rude human.” Her voice was a song. He started to think he heard things that weren’t real. Now he thought about it, a hat can’t sing for him either… “I just saved your life and you are as silent as a carp.” Jefferson opened his mouth but nothing came out. He never saw a mermaid before. He wasn’t touching her anymore but he still felt the magic inside her body, against his own.

“Maybe he doesn’t speak!” a childish voice mocked above him. He looked up. A boy was flying higher, between the orange and red leaves.

“I know how to speak!”

“You  _are_  rude, then. Say something to the lovely lady.”

Jefferson didn’t think. “Thank you ma’am.” And he stared at her again. She was more than beautiful. Magic did that to him. He felt dizzy and everything was like rainbows in his stomach. He hoped he would get rid of it. Rumple would help him with it, he guessed. What else the man could be for if he couldn’t help him with that? “Where am I?” he finally asked.

“You don’t know? Can you be here if you don’t know where you are?” The boy started to get on his nerves.

Jefferson sighed and looked up again; it wasn’t something he particularly liked, looking up while he was talking. “I’m a traveler but it’s the Hat which chooses where I should land.” He answered to the boy which went down. He was smaller than him, younger..

“A  _Hat_? I thought you flew!” He seemed really confused, a little sad too.

“No, I was— wait a minute, who are you?”

The boy laughed and his bare feet finally touched the rock he was standing on. “My name is Killian Jones. I rule Neverland.” The word  _rule_  made Jefferson smirked.

“Is that so? A little man like you?”

Something heavy hit the back of his head  _very_  hard. He hissed in pain and turned to see the mermaid’s innocent eyes. The young Jones burst out laughing. Jefferson wasn’t impressed anymore. When the boy stopped mocking him, he flew around him again like a mosquito. “I still don’t know  _your_ name.”

“My name is Jefferson. I’m a Realm Jumper.”

Then it hit him. Not a random rock, the  _truth_  hit him. Jefferson used the Hat. It was what he always dreamt of. Travelling. Between time and space.

He was  _free_.

“Wow, it sounds dangerous! Have you stories to tell to the Lost Boys? It’s been ages since they didn’t have any storyteller!”

Jefferson shrugged awkwardly and went tight-lipped. “Well… it was the first time I jumped in the Hat so…” The idea of telling tales about himself pleased him, though. “I will come back after my adventures and I will tell you about them.” The suggestion seemed to please Jones, greatly, because the boy made circles around him and hugs him. Jefferson wasn’t used to the warmth of another human being around him.

“Yes! I love stories!” Jefferson smiled proudly to himself. The mermaid yawned to point her boredom out to them.

Jones showed him a lot of Neverland. He learned about mermaids, fairies, Indians and pirates. The  _pirates_  part was thrilling and appealing. He said to him that time doesn’t work in Neverland. It seemed like it was eternal falls only. Jefferson found it more than great.

The young boy had something in the eyes. Something so beautiful Jefferson was jealous. It was a light which seemed never fade even when Jefferson asked stupid questions about fairies or when Jones lost at one of the games they played together. Jefferson was good in hide and seek, Anna never found him but she always tried very hard. Jones wasn’t half good. He just… beams with innocence and so much joy. He couldn’t stay still for one entire minute. You would think that the boy knew how to be patient in a world where time didn’t exist. No. Killian Jones never waited, was always the first, always the one who was right. And every creature in the land trusted him, believed in him even, and Jefferson was mesmerized himself. Jones’ eyes were on the horizon and you could feel how proud he was of Neverland. He literally own the place, _him_ , the boy with sloppy clothes who had nothing, no money, no castle, no ownership, _nothing_! He still stood on the skull rock and knew everywhere he lay a look on, it was his _home_. Jefferson never felt this way. He looked down at his reflection in the water and he didn’t see the _light_.

The Lost Boys were younger than him but they knew how to play. They didn’t cry when they fell. They didn’t scream when they lost a toy. Everything was a toy. One of the boys wanted to play with his Hat. He didn’t let him. Instead, he took him on his knees while they ate and told him fantasies about pirates and mermaids in epic battles for the skull rock. Jefferson has been told he was wrong but the little boy asked him more of them.

The food was abstract. Everything in Neverland couldn’t exist without imagination. It feed them all. The thought of an apple gave him an apple which he ate. It made sense, how could they live without any servant otherwise?

Jefferson didn’t know how much time he spent in there but it felt like days. He didn’t want to go back to the castle. His father would be angry at him because he used the Hat by himself. Well, it was only Rumplething’s fault, after all! Anyway, he was happy in Neverland. Why should he leave?

“Give me fairy dust! Or anything!” he asked with excitement. The lost boys were still asleep. Jones was always the first to wake up and Jefferson just didn’t want to miss any adventure he could live. He followed him, climbed the trees even though he would break his neck if he ever fell.

Jones gave him a look. Jefferson clarified, “teach me how to fly.”

When the flying thing was mentioned, it wasn’t so funny anymore, though. The boy said it as an apology, which was even more annoying, “you can’t fly.”

“What do you mean?  _You_  can.” Jefferson pointed out the obvious. Jones smirked at that.

“I’m flying because I’m not a grownup. I will never be.  _Ever._  I don’t want to!” His words were always filled with a fierce passion. It was exhausting.

The concept turned around his head. “Well, I won’t either… if I stay _here_.”

The boy shook his head. “No, no, no, you have to travel! Hop in your hat and come back so you can tell me about your adventures!” And it was all Jefferson always dreamt of… still, he couldn’t help but feel rejected. He didn’t want to be like his father. He wanted the Hat because he knew he could do something different with it. Storyteller was great, yes, but he needed more. Magic was everywhere in this place. Neverland could be _home_ …

It wouldn’t be all heavy walls and no breath.

“What if I stayed?”

“You can’t.”

“We can have adventures together, playing sword fighting with pirates, I can learn how to swim with the mermaids, I—“

“No, you can’t.”

“WHY NOT?” Jefferson yelled at Jones but he couldn’t help it. The more he thought about it the more he wanted to stay here with his friend. He didn’t have any friends. Never had.

“You are too old.”

“I’m sixteen, moron. It’s not too old.”

“You are in Neverland. Grownups become pirates. I don’t want us to be enemies.”

“What is wrong with being a pirate.”

The question shouldn’t have crossed his lips, obviously, because Jones became red. “Are you mad? They are ugly and cruel!”

“Well— you are too!” Jefferson felt stupid. It was the most childish thing he ever said. Anna would be there, she rolled her eyes to him.

“I’m tired of you! Just— hop in your damn Hat and never come back again! Or become a pirate and I will be happy to kill you with my sword!”

“Stop saying  _hop_ , I’m not  _hopping_  in the Hat, it’s called Realm Jumping!”

“Whatever! You know why you can’t fly? It’s because you’re not a child anymore!”

It was the worst insult ever to Jones. Jefferson didn’t answer. He twirled his hat and this time, it worked. He restrained raging tears. He wouldn’t cry. He jumped in the hole – didn’t  _hop_ , okay? – and found himself in the Hat room again. Rumple was waiting for him as if he just left.

“I’m not a child anymore.” Jefferson whispered. Rumple patted his shoulder with a little smile. It wasn’t a smirk or something cruel or cocky. Just a smile. His father never gave him a little smile. “I’m not a child anymore…” he said again with a broken voice.

“You can be whatever you want from now.” Rumple said and his voice wasn’t singing anymore but it was okay, it sounded nice. “I’ll teach you to be whatever you want to be. As long as you’re giving me what I want.” Jefferson gave him a quizzical look. The Crocodile only smiled again.

The young man looked down when he felt tears on his cheeks. “I want to be a pirate.” He mumbled. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be a pirate.”

Jefferson could do that. 


	2. Don't trust me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- the Winged Monkeys are like in the movie "A Sound of Thunder" (2005)  
> \- it happened right before the deal with Frankenstein.  
> \- in my headcanon, Frankenstein is the Wizard of Oz.

**02.** _They were pirates and were devoured by ambition._

~

The Land of Oz was one of these worlds he rather not to be in. Jefferson wasn’t sure Rumple knew how tiresome it was to jump in a world full of people who knew about _the Hatter_ and could kill him – or worst – if it meant putting their hand on his magic Hat. Perhaps he couldn’t care less – such a responsible tutor, after all.

Jefferson didn’t grow up lazy – well, he happened to appreciate doing nothing in the castle for days but Rumple loved to bother him in these peaceful moments – but running for his life wasn’t his favorite way to spend the day.

This particular day wasn’t an exception by far. The worst part of this story was that it shouldn’t have happened… No, the worst part was probably that he knew Rumple planed a new act for him once returned to the castle. Something sneaky and mean Jefferson – didn’t care – had to be a part of. When could he enjoy himself with all his homework?

Speaking of homework, he should have listened more carefully last time his tutor told him about ropes and how important it was to get rid of those. In exceptional circumstances, he could have enjoyed some bondage games but right now he couldn’t wait to jump in his Hat and go home. The person to blame for this unfortunate situation was unknown. He hated when people attacked him from behind. It was not gentlemanly. Especially when he was on a business trip.

The Hat. He didn’t feel the weight of it in the top of his head. A rush of panic shook him.

“Hatter. It’s been a while. You are not an easy man to find.”

Jefferson noted the accent. He looked up. A pirate. He was pretty sure he never irritated any pirate in his entire life – he respected them, in contrary. It was a stupid thing to do – they always acted so revengeful, it was boring! – and he was not a man to do stupid things… Well, maybe once a month. The man had the Hat on his left hand. When he put it on his head, Jefferson saw it was more like his left _hook_. Nope. Definitely unknown. “I’m sorry, do I know you?” He said it with the greatest respect but the pirate still slapped him with the back of his hand. Jefferson used to see only good parts of his adventures. Right now, he felt grateful the pirate didn’t use his hook. However… a slap? Seriously? What about a punch? It was insulting, he was not that fragile. “I didn’t quite catch your name. Can you repeat it, please?” _That_ was a punch, thank you. He felt manlier now.

Jefferson stretched his jaw and licked his lips. Blood. Nothing new here. He went through far worst. As long as nobody tried to cook him, he would be fine… The man might he be a cannibalistic one? He hoped not.

The pirate looked down at him and Jefferson raised one eyebrow. A moment after, he sighed. He was about to suggest to stop this savagery and drink a cup of tea. Everything was far better with tea, even torture. They could do this later. His thoughts were broke off by the man’s laugh. What was so funny? Did he actually say all of this out loud?

“Why don’t you tell me how to use your precious Hat so I can _hop_ for a better world?”

“It’s not _hopping_ moron, It’s called—” He stopped in the middle of his sentence. He never did that but the moment was quite tense. The quaint speaking, the self-esteem that overflowed from his entire body and his inability to say realm _jumping_ — now he recalled the pirate. The _pirate_.

_Hypocritical child!_

“Jones?” Suddenly he remembered how to untie himself. He would do that and _punch_ the man right in the face in a moment. Just wait.

“Your brain still works. Good. Now tell me.” Jones leaned down and his cold hook prickled the skin of Jefferson’s chin. He gulped. “How can I get it to work?”

Jefferson couldn’t help but laugh at the irony, “You can’t.” He didn’t even know he was waiting for this moment until now. “You _can’t_!” Jones raised one eyebrow – now that he really looked, Jones did weird things with his face – and his hook scratched the skin more. Jefferson hissed but his smirk didn’t disappear. “Where do you want to go anyway? I thought Neverland was the most marvelous land I would ever see.”

The pirate groaned. “It is none of your business, Hatter.” Jefferson betted it was something about his missing hand. Pirates were like this, they ran after what they lost. He did it himself. He wanted more than old parts of himself, though.

However, the man obviously wasn’t well informed. “You call me _Hatter_. You know what I do, then. You know that whatever you want to do with my Hat, it _is_ my business.” He loved being wanted, made his life more exciting. Except he had a mission, he wasn’t in Oz for his own pleasure.

“I want you to bring me to your master.”

The idea danced in Jefferson’s mind. He almost snickered at the realization of who that could be.

“My _master_?” and the words sounded so ludicrous in his own mouth he guffawed anyway. The hook, though, – so close of his Adam’s apple – reminded him of the seriousness of his situation. “Well, I guess a meeting can be arranged.” He didn’t know why on earth Rumple decided, one day, to offend a pirate. _And_ he didn’t care; the old man could definitely deal with his problems himself.

Finally, the hook wasn’t threatening anymore. “What a loyal man.” The irony didn’t make Jefferson laugh. He could teach him a few things about what a good sense of humor should be. Jones huffed as the Hatter remained deadpan and looked for a knife to cut the ropes. Jefferson already got rid of them so he didn’t wait to stand himself.

“Quit insulting me. You want to commit a suicide. Who am I to rob you of your free will?” The two men shared glances. Jones handed him the magic object. Jefferson snatched it from his grip and checked his precious Hat. Still a perfect shape. Wonderful. “Rumple is _not_ my master. We are partners.”

Jones snorted. “Don’t give me reasons to kill you.” Jefferson stopped dusting off the Hat and looked at the pirate. Did he really think it was that easy to kill him? A wry smile appeared on Jones’ face. “Fear not, old friend, I won’t kill you. Unless you double cross me, of course.”

Jefferson went tight-lipped at the threat. Sure he would double cross the pirate. The Hat wouldn’t accept two jumpers as only one step in this world in the first place. The Hat’s rule. Although he thought about sharing this knowledge, he didn’t. It would be useless… or painful. This kind of information never pleased his customers. He answered “We are not friends.” instead and showed him a smile expressing his animosity.

Jones shrugged. “Fine by me.” Jefferson nodded. Something buzzed inside of him, though. It was an old mosquito bite he didn’t know was on his chest. He scratched it but it was worst. He turned his back and took a breath before he walked to his goal. He was about to move forward but was _hooked_ up by his coat. He _hated_ when people did that. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“In case it wasn’t obvious, I am not in this land to meet an _old friend_. I’m actually here for business.” He made an ample gesture and his Hat rolled on his shoulders and went right on his head. Jones did his thing with his eyebrows – not impressed. Jefferson started walking again but the hook stayed in his collar and pulled. “Stop. Doing _. This!_ ” He hissed between his teeth.

“Well, you are a hostage, can you at least act like one? We’re going to the Crocodile. _Now_.” What a _cunt_.

Jefferson sighed loudly and extricated himself from the grip. “You need me to get the Hat to work, right? And I will. Once I have what I came for.” He waited for Jones to mean he agreed with the condition. The man only gave him a wary look. It would do.

They walked a long time in the Dark Forest of the Winkie Country – and it _felt_ like an eternity. Fortunately, the Castle of the Wicked Witch of the West was near. Frankenstein told him she wasn’t in it for the day; he hoped the man didn’t lie because that would be— “What do you look for? There is nothing here but… threes and dust.” Jones made this trip very, _very_ long. Jefferson liked to travel alone for one reason. He remembered what it was.

He sighed, very annoyed. “Trust me you don’t need to know.”

“Come on! Share your quest with me.” Jefferson walked faster. “We could be a team. Isn’t it what you wanted the last time you see me?” Jones patted his shoulder. He was all smiling and friendly and it was unnerving.

“I travel alone. I like it this way.”

“What is the point in having adventures if you have no one to share them with?”

Jefferson liked to be alone in his adventures. What was the point in having a mosquito around him in every land? As he wasn’t the one with the hook, he merely said in reply “You are the one to talk.”

Jones’ face went darker. “It’s nothing like an adventure. More like… an unfinished business.”

The bitterness in his voice was predictable but yet intriguing. Jefferson looked at him. He wasn’t the boy he knew once. No light in his eyes, only hatred. What a shame. Jones has been for a long time what he wished to reach in his sleep, before his father’s death. Freedom and pride. He found it in this life of piracy. He stole trinkets and was paid for his job. He was banished from lands because of that. No one ever arrested him because of the Dark One. Freedom had a price. He was told that magic came with a price too.

For now, he was a king in his own kingdom.

Jefferson didn’t sound empathetic when he shrugged, “You should take a fresh start because what you want to accomplish… It won’t happen.” He actually didn’t care. Maybe Jones snapped or something because a rock was suddenly attacking the Hatter’s head. He thought about the Hat which fell on the dirty ground. Well, if it stayed where it was until the pirate’s mood lighted, it would be lovely.

Jefferson’s cheek was grazed by the stone as he was kept against the rock. “You are exactly like this time in Neverland, huh? Still a petulant child.” Jones’ breath tickled as he kept him there with the weight of his body. Jefferson decided it was wiser not to move. He knew this kind of beast. He was a predator too. “Look at you, you don’t know what life is, what _being in pain_ means…” his voice was deep in his ear – it made Jefferson uncomfortable – but turned in a light breath when he added “what losing someone means…” Then something changed in the way he held him. He whispered “Yet.” He stepped away and groaned. Jefferson took the Hat on the floor and dusted it off, as a bad habit. The pirate stayed silent as he watched him.

“I never had anyone to lose.” Where this came from, he didn’t know himself. He looked up and saw something in Jones’ eyes. It was something he never saw there – not that he knew the man very well but… It was so real. It was disturbing, it was new and— No one ever looked at him like— _that_.

What was _that_?

Jefferson cleared his throat and regained his composure. “I’m going to stole two precious objects. I’m going to take them from a witch. It will be dangerous. Witches, you know. Oz is full of those.” They were like pirates, never forgot a face, a bet, a debt. Maybe she knew he was coming but he liked the challenge. This time, he wasn’t alone. He could find something to do with this insistent mosquito.

Jones huffed. “Let me tell you this: when you dealt with sea witches, everything else is like kitten.”

“She is more like a…” he thought hard, trying to find a good comparative but she was the scariest thing he ever faced. “Cerberus.”

“Sounds beautiful and deadly to me. Like my girls.” The pirate winked. Women must find the way he did this kind of things attractive. It had to be tiresome to do those all the time.

Jefferson sighed, again, because explaining things from other worlds was really a waste of his time “A big… angry… beast with… huh” he indicated his jaw with whirl of the wrist “sharp teeth.”

His companion gave him a skeptical look. “You still don’t know how to tell your stories, huh?” The Hatter only made a dismissive gesture, and then he tilted. He didn’t remember telling any stories to him.

“When did I—”

A howl interrupted him.

He felt his eyes opened like never before. His face must show how much he was afraid because Jones seemed unsure. “What was that?”

“Teeth. Definitely teeth. _Sharp_ teeth.” He thought fast. The howl wasn’t _that_ near… maybe the wolf wasn’t after them… As long as there was no Winged Monkey around too, they would be fine.

“Aren’t you a traveler? Stop trembling, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Can you stop being manly and stupid for a short minute only, _please_? You have no idea where you are, do you?”

“I’m here because I needed to find you so you would bring me to Rumplestiltskin. If you are that scared, maybe we could finally hop in your hat and—”

“Stop saying _hop_!”

A howl again. Nearer. It wasn’t good. Something. Fast. “How did you get in the Land of Oz anyway?”

“ _Now_ you want to share secrets about worlds travel?”

“My Hat can’t get us in the Castle, there is a protective spell or something, but maybe _your_ way to travel can.”

“Sorry lad. It’s not going to happen. I don’t trust you enough. Not today.”

Good, the man was not as stupid as he thought he was. It could be helpful once the pirate would be in Oz by himself. Jefferson almost felt guilty. _Almost_. “Fair enough.” He twirled the Hat once, twice, and pushed his whole arm in the purple fog. Jones watched him in awe. Jefferson searched in the inside of his Hat and then _pulled_. An ark and a quiver. Magic was still around them when he heard something cracked in his back. His Hat on top of his head and the quiver around him, he pulled an arrow from it and fired. Just a squirrel fell from a tree. At least, he didn’t lose his skill. His father urged him every year to take part of the hunting season.

“Do you try to impress me?” Jones asked with a laugh.

Jefferson looked at him in disbelief. “Why would I do that?” Because, really, why would he want that?

The pirate raised his eyebrows and showed a fake serious face. “Do you?”

“No!” He didn’t have time to play games. He wanted to find these damn shoes.

Jones shrugged and smirked. “Fine.” They looked at each other for an awkward moment until another howl made Jefferson shiver.

“We can’t stay here. The faster we will get to the Castle the faster we will be out of this place.” He didn’t wait for his companion to walk beside him for shooting off.

“You don’t like this land, huh?”

“Nobody like this place, moron: witches ruled the land.” Jones knew nothing, it was appalling.

“You know, it is not because we met before you can talk to me the way you do. You still are a hostage.” Jefferson rolled his eyes but had the politeness not to sigh this time. “You are not afraid of me.” There was an ingenuous curiosity in this statement. It seemed like the man was really _that_ self-confident. The Hatter didn’t intend to answer but he insisted. “What scares you that much in this forest?”

Jefferson stopped and made a face. “Can we skip the, uh, _talking_ and do more of the – you know – _walking_?” He made motions with his hands so the stupid man who was following him could understand the words. “Chop chop.” he added. Maybe he played with his life but he hated to have this kind of obstacle in his way.

The road made a fork, one way to the castle, another to the Winkie River. Jones already headed to the first as Jefferson stepped on the other way. The hook found its way to the collar of the Hatter’s coat once again. This time, Jefferson was too disabused for complaining.

Jones didn’t pull, though. “The castle is in the other direction.” Even if he said this, he sounded intrigued by his choice and didn’t try to tell the Hatter he was wrong.

Jefferson raised his left hand and showed him his fingers as he enumerated “Werewolves, bees, Winkies” he dropped his arm and let an annoyed frown showed up “are in this very same direction. We don’t want to go there.”

“Do we?”

“Trust me.”

“That’s a lot to ask, mate.”

“Don’t call me that, we are not friends.”

A smirk. “My point exactly… _mate_.” Jones loved to get on his nerves. Jefferson would love to try himself if he didn’t fear to get chewed by sharp teeth. Or if there was any chance they could actually befriend.

He didn’t need to think to this part. “Someone told me about tunnels under the castle.”

“Can we trust this _someone_ you speak of?” Once again, even if he said so, he walked by his side on this road.

Frankenstein was an eternal skeptic. While Jefferson usually scorned those, the man was deserving of believing in something as wonderful as magic. The man wasn’t his favorite customer but he could be trusted.

That, and Rumple told him the witch had this irrational weak spot for the rather unorthodox wizard. “Well, if he lied, the wicked witch is waiting for us so we can drink a cup of tea. Oops. Forget I said that. The tea party— tea _part_.”

“Tea, huh? Could you be any less manly than that?”

“Yes, I actually can because tea is the best thing I ever tasted. Nothing to do with being manly.” Jones did his thing with the eyebrow but remained silent. A good thing, if you asked Jefferson. “Anyway, it’s almost tea time.”

“I’m sure this goal will help you to walk faster…”

“Tea makes everything better and this day was particularly awful.”

Jefferson left the road and went into the forest. He skillfully slid on the steep incline. There was a mouth of a cave down there. He invited his companion to follow him. Jones joined him with the same grace. They shared a smug look before they headed for the cave. It was pretty dark inside. They walked a moment without knowing where to go. Jefferson stumbled on a rock and hissed as his knees hit the stony ground. He swore at Jones’ laugh. He heard the sound of leather and right after, Jones blew on Fairy Dust. It dissipated on the wall. Soon, the entire cavern was glowing. The smug smile on Jones’ face got on his nerves. He didn’t show it.

“I’m surprised you don’t fly.”

The pirate’s smile disappeared. He groaned as he kept walking. They saw a crack ahead and they tried to go through in the same time. Jefferson sighed. They tried again and bumped into each other, _again_. “You are impossible.” said Jones. Jefferson would shrug if he could. He forced his way in and they fell on the ground together. The darkness was palpable because the fairy dust didn’t work in it. It was a curious thing and Jefferson knew it would mean nothing good. He was about to share his thoughts when the wall glowed. He glared at Jones with a dry look. The man raised one eyebrow. “What?” Jefferson opened his mouth but no word came out. He heard something… above… Jones did too because they looked up, slowly, in one single move. He sounded surprised and maybe scared “Bats…” He should be scared at least. They weren’t bats. They were huge monsters with no heart. They were animals with fangs and claws. They were _huge_ and _hostile_ and… Jefferson and Jones were standing right in their nest.

Jefferson swallowed and whispered “Far worse than that. Winged Monkeys.” The sound of his voice woke them up. “Run.” and for the first time, Jones didn’t argue. They rushed another crack deeper in the chamber as the monkey woke up and started to notice the intruders. They dangerously went closer. The adventurers got stuck in the fissure.

“Stop being childish and step back!” Jones hissed.

“Why don’t you do that yourself?” snapped Jefferson back. How did he end up here? Oh, yes, Rumple. This man was very good when it came to get him in troubles.

A wild howl and something gripped Jefferson by the collar of his coat. His blood rushed in his heart in a pound as it left his face. Jones stepped in the crack. Jefferson found himself on the ground with an angry pennaceous primate which roared at his face. The beast had a very bad breath. It reminded him of the last time someone tried to cook him. The memory wasn’t his favorite. He coughed a couple of time and thought about his last words, a person who is going to miss him... Nothing and no one came to his mind. It was kind of sad, actually… 

The baboon was about to eat his head when a sword killed it. Jefferson extricated himself from the weight and quickly stood up. He looked at Jones. The pirate seemed as surprised as him. More grunts above them. Jefferson picked up his Hat but didn’t take the time to dust it off. They nodded at each other and rushed to the crack again. This time, Jefferson let Jones go first. They ran a moment in the tunnels. The winged monkeys were behind them, he could hear the sound of their claws gripping the stone. 

Jones was out of breath when he asked, as a rhetorical question “These tunnels never end?” and by some miracle, they found a golden door after a last bend. Jefferson opened it and they went out of the cavern. The Winged Monkeys were fast and came very quickly to them but they closed the door. They must have hit the door pretty hard because it almost gave away. Jefferson and Jones heard some bemoans in the other side.

Jefferson took a deep breath and leaned against the golden door in relief. “I hate Winged Monkeys.”

“Well, we won’t trust your sources next time.”

The Hatter looked up and stared at the man who saved his life. There wouldn’t be a _next time_ for them. He could admit he felt guilty at some point. He still didn’t thank him for this rescue. The idea of other adventures with a companion was appealing, though. It shouldn’t be. Rumple wouldn’t agree with him having a pet – a murderous one on top of that.

“What now?” There was something in Jones’ voice. He was enjoying the events, the adrenaline and the feeling of having a partner too.

Jefferson cleared his throat, stood straight and looked at the room they were in. Exactly what he looked for. “Now I take what I came for.”

They were in a blue room with mirrors. They were like eyes on the entire countries, showing every little move. That was how the witch could see her enemies coming. Jefferson was glad she wasn’t in her castle she would have kill them way before they reached the cave otherwise. In the middle of the room was a table with a crystal ball on it. When Jefferson took it and put it his bag, the mirrors didn’t show anything anymore. “That’s it?” Jones asked. Jefferson didn’t answer and headed to another room. Rumple wanted the enchanted slippers. He didn’t like those. Only for one passenger. Too many turbulences. The Seven-league boots were the same kind of wild stuff. The Hat was far more enjoyable.

The Hatter looked everywhere in the room but the shoes were nowhere. Rumple won’t be happy. “What are you looking for? I can actually help you with that.” Jones was getting impatient and Jefferson was focused on his search so he gave in.

“Magic slippers. Red. Don’t remember how people called it. They just glow with a red light. It’s ugly and boring.”

“There is a wardrobe in one of the bedrooms.” Jefferson looked up in disbelief. “What? I visited the place, you weren’t fun anymore! And I found the jewelry.”

“Good for you.” Jefferson returned to his searches. And do you actually think a precious object like this could be left in a wardrobe? With useless and stupid girly things? Really?” He looked up again when he didn’t hear any answer. It was weird. He went in the corridors. A hook came outside a room with red shoes suspending to it. The Pirate showed them as a trophy.

“Are they red and ugly and glowing?” Jefferson glared. “You know what they usually are too? In wardrobes.” Jones threw the shoes at him. “We make a good team, don’t you think?” His smile was beaming, like when he was a boy.

Jefferson smirked and tried to hide it. “Stop talking.”

“Now that we have your ball and your shoes, can we hop in this Hat of yours?”

Jefferson’s blood turned cold in his veins. An unsettling silence took over and when he opened his mouth to talk, he _heard_ the words getting stuck in it. “I… I can’t.” His shoulders tensed. He watched his companion with apprehension.

Jones stared back. You could see surprise and anxiety on his face. “What do you mean… _you can’t_?” He asked the question but they both knew what the Hatter was talking about.

Jefferson tried again. “The Hat, it… You— I’m sorry.” The oxygen left his lungs. He didn’t know why the words were so rough, why the air was so dense he couldn’t even swallow them. They were stuck in his throat.

“You are… _sorry_?” His voice was so loud all the sudden. His eyes were filled with dismay by the meaning of the words he just heard.

Jefferson looked down. “The Hat’s rules.” was the only argument he could say. It wasn’t an argument, it was the way of things, he knew from the start that Jones would be trapped in the end. “One in… one out.” He knew. He didn’t care.

The pirate took him by the coat and pulled. His hook was close to Jefferson’s mouth. “I saved your life!”

He sighed a weak “I know.” and tried to swallow it again. He knew, yes, and he didn’t _care_.

Did he?

Jones yelled at him in despair, trying to figure out where things went wrong. They didn’t go wrong. They weren’t right from the beginning. “And you lead me right in hell anyway?”

Yes. It didn’t matter.

Jones looked at him like if it was the first time. Jefferson didn’t show it but he felt miserable. After a long moment, the pirate let him go and stepped away from him. If there still was this light he wanted to catch when he was a boy, there was nothing left but a shadow now. It gave him the need to run far, _far_ away from himself and never find his humanity again. He didn’t even know he had this kind of compassion in him. What did people have the ability to feel this way for another human being for? It didn’t make sense. Everybody was so… _selfish_.

“The man you are now… I hate him. I should kill you now but” Jones breathed in and took another step back. “I know you from another time.” Jefferson considered the words which did and didn’t make sense in the same time. The Hat could travel _between time and space_. He would like to never see him again, never feel this guilt in his chest again. _Ever_. “You can be sure, though… the next time we will meet, I will show you no mercy.”

Jefferson thought quickly. They shared a look. Then, he threw the slippers to his feet. The pirate raised one eyebrow. No trust in his eyes, only hatred. Jefferson could do that. He was used to this kind of feeling, it wasn’t so unnerving anymore. So he smirked as he always did, with self-confidence and self-satisfaction. He thought about tea and everything was alright again. He didn’t have the shoes but he didn’t care at all. Rumple would never know.

“You can travel with those.”

“What makes you think I can’t travel by myself?”

“You seem pretty upset for a man who can go wherever he wants to go.”

The Hatter made a curtsey to the pirate and reached for a window. He twirled his Hat, let it fall and jumped.  

He returned to Rumple’s Castle and he acted as Rumple wanted him to. He gave him the crystal ball and said the slippers were already gone. He played with the queen. She was gorgeous but – stupid – in love. He did what Rumple wanted him to do. He always did that. It was their deal. He felt unsafe about the lie he told him and hoped his tutor would never find out. Or he would kill him, for sure.

Jefferson stepped in the workshop because he was looking for a spell which could help him in his next work. The Crocodile taught him a lot of things. He could go in and out the workshop, even if Rumple didn’t like that.

Rumple was spinning straw into gold, as he always did when he was bored. “You did a good job with the queen, as always. Thank you for the crystal ball by the way. It is a shame the slippers are lost. I will find another way.”

“About that…” Jefferson bit his lip. He regretted to start the conversation but it was too late now, right? “I met someone in the Land of Oz.”

“Hum?”

“A pirate. You may know him… Killian Jones?” The spinning wheel stopped. “Does it ring a bell?” It started again, faster. Usually, his tutor wasn’t affect by threats of names. What kind of story was the one involving Jones?

Rumple faked ignorance. “Never heard this name before.”

“Ah.” Jefferson was playing a dangerous game and he didn’t even know why. “Well, he sure knew you.”

Rumple stopped and turned around. He left his seat and walked closer, suspicious. “Why are we having this conversation?” His smile was a fake one, as always, and Jefferson knew it was a warning.

He made a nonchalant shrug. “I think the Witch might like him, that’s all.”

“Elphaba loves stubborn things.”

Jefferson started to think he did too.

“I don’t.”

“Good to know”

Jefferson left the workshop. It was tea time. Everything was better with tea. Regrets didn’t exist with tea. He had nothing to regret, though. Jones would live after all. 


	3. Any form of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- In my headcanon, Regina and Jefferson were together at some point for some reasons.  
> \- It happened before Milah died.  
> \- The White Rabbit's maid is named Marianne in "Alice In Wonderland". In French, Marianne is: Compound of Marie (wished-for child; rebellion; bitter) and Anne (favor or grace). It seemed to me like the perfect name for Jefferson's wife.

**03.** _Love was a gift they didn’t know they needed. The sweetest curse they could ever imagine._

~

Jefferson hated her. She was a bite which asked to be scratched but the more he did the more he wanted to. She was a disease. A cancer in his life which devoured everything that was important to him until now. She was a bug and its buzz never stopped to tickle in his ear. She was a heart attack, she was a ghost, she was— nice, caring, lovely, funny, _beautiful_ —

Mary Ann was _love_.

He knew her since they were eight. He never liked the girl because she wanted to be a part of his adventures but couldn’t stop stumble on his dress whenever they played in the forest. She once fell in a deep hole but didn’t let him go looking for someone and he waited hours before people came to help her. His father gave him a slap the minute they came back to the castle. She gave him a kiss on the cheek the day after, right where Jefferson has been slapped. Anna made fun of him for _weeks_. He scorned girls. He always saw them as brainless, creatures of appearances, fake and despicable. Mary Ann wasn’t _ugly_ , she was hideous because of her gender.

Now, the ugly duckling was more like a swan. She was _beautiful_. He never had such a thought for any woman before – mermaids and sylphs didn’t count. No magic emanated from her body but nature gave her blond curls that flowed with an impossible grace on her shoulder, a flawless skin that asked to be kissed, and bright blue eyes which went through his soul everytime they met his. She was a dreamer. She was spirited. She was clever – oh, so clever.  Her kiss was a forgiveness he didn’t know he waited. In the corner of her lips was hidden a smile… Her smile was beaming right before she leaned to kiss him. She was always the one who showed initiative because he wasn’t good with love business.

The first time he realized she was different was when her mother came to Rumple. He was seventeen and she was two years older. Mary Ann was waiting in the garden among white roses while he just returned from a Hat trip. He didn’t notice her at first, focused on the count of golden coins he just gained. She wanted to be noticed by him though. She logically threw him her shoe which fetched on his head. All the coins fell on the ground as his hand reached the spot that has just been hit. He didn’t think and leant down to pick up his money. His face puzzled as he saw the shoe. He still didn’t notice the woman in the garden.

Mary Ann walked closer, leaving the roses and joined him on the way. “Did anybody ever say you were a rude child?” Jefferson looked up and recognized her without any doubt. No one ever talked to him that way but Anna and Mary Ann.

He irrationally snapped at the _child_ part. “ _Who_ do you think _you_ are?” He threw the shoe back but it fell in the hedge around the garden. She didn’t flinch.

“A human being who wants to chat.” She smiled like a child.

Jefferson only gave her a look. “What about? You just offended me! I don’t want to talk to you!”

She ignored him with in a brilliant way. “What about love?” she suddenly asked.

He was completely lost. He didn’t care about _love_. _Love_ was weakness. He saw what it did to people. Rumple and he played every day with this kind of vulnerability. “Yeah, what about that? There is nothing to say.”

“Love is an universal subject. Do you have anything to say about it?”

“I can’t say I do.”

“Love is a serious business, dear Jefferson. If you don’t feel it you can’t feel alive at all. Nothing is real without love. Any form of love.” She kept on like this one long minute. Her speech was seasoned with witty remarks, sentimental quotations and other pretty things he didn’t give a damn but he did notice the way her lips moved and how her eyes sparkled. She reacted to his attention, her tongue came out on her dry lips and she stopped breathing ten seconds. It was a very long time, Jefferson was kind of amazed. “You are rude again.” She was blushing and he could be damned if it wasn’t adorable.

He remained deadpan. “Fascinating chat, indeed.” He gave her a wry smile and left her in the middle of the garden with one barefoot.

Her mother came back every day for a week. Every afternoon, Mary Ann was there, in the garden, and she loved to throw her shoes to him. The last day of his mother business, she did not. Jefferson came to her himself. “I was starting to think a leprechaun was hidden in the rosebush and… it happened to like to throw shoes at me.” She gave him a look he didn’t understand. The entire week she was smiling and teasing and now she was… pouting? “What?” Her face remained blank until she cracked a smile. He happened to like the way she smiled.

“I’m tired of this game since you never helped me to get my shoe back.”

“Well, you have two shoes today.”

“I’m talking about the shoe you threw on the hedge days ago and never offered to get for me.”

They shared glances. Finally he did help her. She gave him a kiss as payment. It wasn’t the kind of gift he liked but he sort of wanted to have another one. He did ask for it. Actually. “Can I kiss you?” She burst in laugh but her arms came around his shoulder and she kissed him again with much more passion than the first time. “I think I love you,” he guessed with a candid surprise. She laughed again. He never felt like this with any other human being. She must be a sylph without any doubt.

She softly asked, “Don’t you know anything about the game of seduction?” He knew about seduction. He tried it with Anna for years and she finally gave in. He had plenty of love affairs since. It wasn’t about seduction. He honestly didn’t know anything about _love_. Any form of love.

One year after that, they were married. Stories ended this way in this world. Happy ever after. Except, he was a world traveler. A realm jumper. An outsider wherever he was. Rules never applied to him. He still stole stuff for Rumple and betrayed other companions for his own survival. He tried to never care. Mary Ann taught him why it mattered. He stopped it because he didn’t want to disappoint her as he disappointed his father or… someone else he didn’t need to think about.

Every week he said “The Hat is calling for me,” and she answered “Come back to me soon,” every time. “Very, very soon,” he said. She kissed him. She said “It will protect you.” He never laughed. It was a charm and he knew how powerful this kind of magic was. Rumple told him a long time ago but Jefferson always mocked him. Now he had Mary Ann and _love_ was all he believed in.

One day, she didn’t let him go right after he said the H word. “Don’t leave me today. I’m bored.”

He laughed, said “I will come back very, very soon,” like every time, but she didn’t kiss him. It scared him.

She faked a pout “Maybe I won’t be here anymore. I’m tired of waiting for my husband to come home.” She was in a playful mood this day. Jefferson was used to this but something didn’t sound right.

“Come with me.”

Her smile faded. It was the fear talking but what could he say, Jefferson didn’t know how to care about someone. He couldn’t stand the subtle change in their routine because he didn’t know what it meant. Suddenly, he realized how exciting it would be to jump with her in the Hat. It would be… incredible. Magic and Love melting around him; inside him.

Mary Ann opened her mouth without knowing what to say, then tried again, “Are you… serious?” She seemed uneasy as well.

“I am. Don’t you always ask for it?”

“Yes but you always say it is dangerous and… illegal.” She glared at him. She never liked the way he worked but she loved him the way he was, never tried to change him too much. She did, though. He liked what he was now, thanks to her.

“Indeed but… I know you don’t like it when I leave.”

“Right. It is because I worry about your safety… Maybe… Maybe one day, you won’t come back to me.”

“Maybe I— anymore…” he stuttered and thought quickly, “This can be the last time I jump in the Hat? Don’t you want to try it at least once with me?” He started to feel the inner panic and it wasn’t a good thing. He couldn’t be that vulnerable again. Ever.

She shook her head and pinched her lips. “You can’t,” she simply said. The surprise made him forget Rumple was waiting for him. He hated these words. “You never told me but I figured by myself that you just… couldn’t stop. The magic in the Hat is your mistress.” She patted it with a sad smile. Jefferson blinked. “The power it gives you is an addiction.” She looked down to her feet. “I won’t ask you to stop as long as you come back to me and,” she caressed her belly and smiled, “to our child.”

The Hat didn’t whisper anything to his ear. He listened very hard but no song was sung. Mary Ann and he shared glances and he left. Just like that. They didn’t talk about babies or anything. He never thought of children, never thought about being a father or a perfect husband. The idea was ridiculous. He was a pirate seeking freedom. He wasn’t ready and never would be. He loved Mary Ann, he really did. The thing was, his character was more like… obsessed with magic and money. He always wanted more and more. You couldn’t trust him. You were always left behind…

_No._

When he referred to that day, months after, it was right before their routine. “I don’t know how to be… what I should be.” He glanced at her belly, larger than before. It was ugly, it looked painful, it made him think of a disease he could catch. He was afraid. He was terrified because he couldn’t love the human being in his wife’s belly. She would leave him the day she would realize it.

She seemed confused at his words but stayed calm. Her voice was only caring. “What do you mean?”

“I— don’t know how to love.”

The confession made her smile with so much tenderness that the air in his lungs felt new; lighter and warmer. He didn’t know how to react to her love right now because his thoughts were outrageous. He was weak and didn’t know how to be stronger.

The Hat still stayed silent.

She felt his panic and wrapped her arms around him. “Of course you know how. Everybody has his own way to love.”

“What if… What if I can’t love… _our child_?” He whispered the last word as if it was dangerous. He imagined the baby could hear it. Mary Ann indulgently smiled. She took his hand and put it on her ugly belly. He jumped and wondered if the thing inside of it could possibly already hate him. The thought made him even more scared.

“Do you feel it?” He didn’t.

“What?” He tried to retire his hand but she kept it there, so close to this new being who would reject him because he had no idea what _it_ meant.

“Shhh… Now? ”

_Oh!_

“Ah! Is that— Is _it_?”

“Yes.”

“Why— What does it mean?” He touched everywhere, looking for another bump. She giggled, her eyes sparkling.

“It means it can’t wait to meet you. Everytime you left, this happened. _Our child_ wants you to stay, my dear Jefferson.”

He looked down at her belly as if it was the first time. It wasn’t as ugly as before. It was kind of… _nice,_ actually. He kneeled and put his ear against his wife, listening carefully. It was warm and it bumped again. Mary Ann slid her fingers between his curls. He closed his eyes a while. He didn’t… want to jump in the Hat today. He didn’t hear anything but he felt connected with this little human being.  

“What a bright smile.”

“What?”

“On your face, _moron_ ,” she imitated him. She mocked him but he didn’t care. He found… peace.

“I can stop jumping in the Hat.” He told her out of the blue. He felt her flinch. “This could be the last time. We could do it together. Finally.”

“You are serious.” No question, more like matter-of-fact. It wasn’t like the last time he suggested it. She sounded surprised but knew he truly believed in what he was saying.

“I am. I want— I will be another person. A better man.”

“You are. Every day since I met you, you changed. I knew what you wanted to be.”

“And you waited for me, didn’t you?”

“I did. I will always wait for you.”

Mary Ann kissed him as if it was the first and the last time. Then, she agreed when he asked _“Do you want to jump with me in the Hat?”_ and she said, “ _I do”_ as if he was proposing again.

He remembered Wonderland. He remembered every little nice thing in this world.

He learned to hate it after _this_ trip.

Mary Ann lost herself in its wonders. She forgot her name; forgot his. They returned to the Enchanted Forest and she started to lose her senses. Jefferson asked Rumple for help. The Crocodile couldn’t relieve of her disease. The day she gave birth, she died because of her mental illness. She didn’t remember she was pregnant and the shock kills her. He didn’t touch the baby, didn’t take a look upon it. He didn’t want to be a father if he couldn’t be a husband.

At the times, Rumple has this… _maid_ , Belle, a princess who replaced Jefferson when he was away – it was the way the Hatter liked to consider the young woman. He never cared about her. This day, he wouldn’t either. She followed him in the castle though, for hours or days or months… he didn’t really care. He was grateful to Rumple he didn’t have any mission these days. Belle talked to him but he never listened. One day however, he looked at her and she smiled. It was a sad smile. Mary Ann smiled that way sometimes at the beginning as if she knew something he couldn’t even imagine. Jefferson was the Hatter, he could imagine a lot, had seen a lot, had done a lot. Yet, he couldn’t understand this kind of smile. How could people smile if they were sad? He couldn’t smile because he was—

“What do you want?” he yelled at her. She was about to excuse herself but didn’t. Instead of it she took a careful step towards him. She held out her hand and waited. He took her hand without thinking. It was a nice touch. Her skin was soft and warm. She leaded him to a room. There was a cradle in the middle of the room. He stepped back but she didn’t let him go. He heard a cry. The baby in the cradle was crying. It was an echo. Jefferson was crying inside too. He remembered the connection he felt once. There was Mary Ann between them at the time.

“She thinks no one loves her.”

Belle’s words were a song. Mary Ann’s speech was like this too. She understood things he couldn’t, except… he didn’t need anyone to explain this kind of loneliness to him. He could feel it every day of his life since he was born. No one should feel this pain.

Before he thought about it, Jefferson took the baby in his arms. Belle chuckled and helped him to hold her right. The little girl stopped crying. She looked right through him. They shared glances. He never felt like this before. Even Mary Ann, she couldn’t understand everything, she couldn’t feel the way he felt… But S _he_ can. _She_. What kind of she was S _he_? He never learned, didn’t have any idea of how to love those.

“What is her name?” Belle asked with a sweet voice.

Jefferson jumped. He forgot she was still there. “What?”

The princess smiled at his blush. “Did you choose her name yet?”

_Mary Ann._

No, _She_ was something else. _Someone_ unique. No one would be as important to him as _Her_. _She_ was his redemption. _She_ was—

“Grace”. It was a nice name. _Mary Ann_ meant Grace, he heard it in another world. “Her name is Grace.”

“It is beautiful… Oh.” She chuckled.

“What?”

“Nothing, I— Well, I never saw you smile like this before. The smile of a father, I suppose.”

He was a father now. It curiously didn’t seem as frightening as he thought it would be.

Jefferson told Rumple he wanted a fresh start with Grace; away from the Hat. He wanted to give him this wonderful object that showed him wonders but took him everything.

_No, not everything._

“Keep it. It will remind you of your sins.” Rumple told him with the same smile he had on his face the first day. “You were a…” He looked for the good term a moment and then looked up at the Pirate, up and down. There was no malice in his eyes, only sadness and… pride. “Well, you know.” Jefferson didn’t know but he nodded. He left the workshop. He met Belle in the corridors and kissed her hand before he disappeared with his daughter.

Jefferson and Grace lived in a nice house with a wonderful garden where she would play one day. They lived in a town no one has heard of him. He didn’t want to live in his castle. Now he didn’t use his Hat anymore everyone was trying to catch the Hatter. Regina met him one day. She was born in this town he chose. She heard of his situation and gave him the money he needed because _he did his best to help her_. They became good friends and she visited them a lot. Jefferson seduced her – she was married to the king but he couldn’t care less, he had a daughter to take care of – hoping she could be a mother figure to Grace in some ways. She wasn’t that evil at the time. She could be really kind with Grace, actually. She loved her, even.

“Can you take me to another world? Far away from this one?” Regina asked one night as they shared a bed. She didn’t look at him. Her eyes were staring at a life which wasn’t hers. He could easily understand this feeling.

“Where would you go? You are the Queen here. Your husband is good for you, you have a perfect step-daught—”

“It isn’t a life I chose! I wanted... something else.” Jefferson knew what she needed. He could guess she wanted him to be by her sides too but he ignored that. He could pretend but he didn’t want to be what she wanted him to be. Regina felt lonely and sad. She had powers, oh yeah, but she needed a family on her own. That was why she loved Grace so much.

“You are free. I always envied you for that. You threw everything away and took a fresh start… How did you manage that?” She asked and he felt angry with her because she had no idea how badly he wanted to regain his old life with Mary Ann, in his castle. And the Hat. He didn’t say anything though. “Show me your wonders, Hatter.” He swallowed her pleading with his mouth even if he knew she would never stop asking.

She sighed “You’re wonderful,” and the flattery pleased him but not enough.

Regina was nice once. _Awfully_ nice. _Boring_.

Jefferson decided he had enough of her mood. He left the bed and… cheered her up. He said, “No need to travel in another world, you can be anyone you want to be, _here_.” She asked with a weak voice, “Here?” He answered “Yes.” When he saw her genuine smile he held out a hand and added, “Together.” She took his hand and he dances with her. He played with her, teasing her, chasing her as if they were children. He actually enjoyed their time together but not enough. Never enough. Regina wouldn’t be what he needed.

Eventually, she learned about what he did to her because of Rumple and Frankenstein. He thought she would kill him. She didn’t because of Grace. She took everything from him, except Grace. He sort of agreed with this sentence. “It has been years since I didn’t hate someone that much. You have no idea what you did to me. You gave me hope and snatched it from me.” Her words were full of hatred until then but after a moment her face softened. “I thought I found _home_.”   

_Home._

Years after, Jefferson heard of her again. Regina became the Evil Queen. He didn’t care that much as long as she stayed away from his daughter.

Grace was seven and she asked for her mother. What was her name? Why wasn’t she with them? What did she look like? What kind of games did she play? And an awful lot of questions he didn’t want to answer because it gave him pain in his chest. His chest hurt. Grace was sad because he never learned how to talk about dead people. His father died but he never talked about him at posteriori. He mentioned him once to Rumple when he was younger. “Sometimes, I wish my old man was more like you,” he confessed one night after a particularly tough day of training. He was seventeen. Rumple looked surprised and awkward. He sadly answered “You have no idea what being a father means.” Jefferson felt rejected at the time but he realized years after the way his tutor looked at him and he thought he remembered the way fingers brushed his hair when he fell asleep on the couch of the library.

Jefferson still didn’t know what being a father meant and perhaps he would never know. His life was miserable. He missed the money, the freedom, the adventures and all these things he had before. He decided Mary Ann’s death was his undoing. He was in an endless fall since. He imagined a life with her and their daughter in a beautiful house with a garden full of white roses. Mary Ann knew how to told stories. She knew how to talk about things, even the stupidest, with a flowing voice as if she was singing an epic tale. She would know how to teach simple things to Grace. He didn’t. He was unsure how to talk to her but did his best. It wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

And Jefferson _had_ _enough_.

One night, Grace was asleep and he started to think. He thought about an _old friend_. He thought of _between time and space_. What if he could change his fate? What if Mary Ann could be by his sides again? Jefferson hasn’t touched the Hat for a very long time. When he did, he was overwhelmed by its song. Same old song. The most beautiful thing his body ever experimented. He twirled it between his fingers and put it on his head for the good times’ sake. It reminded him the man he was but the only moment he could really recalled was the first time he used this power.

_Neverland._

The feeling was quite the same; playing with the time and changing his life. Feeling _real_. Since Mary Ann’s death Jefferson didn’t _see_ the _reality_. When he traveled, everything appeared so _clear_ to him. Every world had its rules; ones from men, others from the universe itself. He saw threads bonding people or any other living beings. He felt life under his feet and he listened to the wind; that wind was full of hopes and full of meanings. Everything belonged. _Jefferson_ belonged. Now everything was falling apart because he was powerless.

It was possible – he knew that for sure, Jones told him. _Another time_. Grace was asleep and Jefferson was desperate. The Hat whirled and dug a hole in the ground.

The Hatter jumped.

It felt different from before except he was in the water again.

Fishes were all around him. He was in a fishing net! He was in a net and he needed to breath _now_. As if the thought was a spell, the net surfaced and the air filled his lungs again. The men on the boat insulted him but he didn’t pay attention, checking that the Hat was within reach. His hand gripped the magical object and he got on his feet to leave.

Once the Hatter was on the harbor he finally caught his breath. Something tossed and turned in his pocket but he didn’t have the time to check on it because something sharp touched his back. He knew this feeling. The sound of a sword you draw from its sheath, the hair bristling on the back of your neck at the push against your back and the uncertainty you would make it alive. It’s been a time he hated this kind of situation. It was a rude thing to attack your enemies from behind. Madly enough, Jefferson missed this. He could almost forget everything else.

He just remembered being a pirate. It was what he always wanted to be.

“What a curious Hat you have there. Would you let me take a look, lad?” The stranger’s tone had a magical and familiar quality, it was as if the words were sung in an unknown language… _It belonged to a spirit of the air,_ Jefferson remembered he has thought ages ago. As he remained silent, the voice raised again, “I knew a boy who wore a Hat quite like this one with an insane pride.” Jefferson closed his eyes. The memory of their first meeting scratched his insides like a beast he kept prisoner ever since. The knowledge that someone took what you were seeking your entire life but somehow you feel like you were the one responsible for the loss. The second time wasn’t better except it has seemed to be in Jones’ perspective. There wasn’t a time when the Hatter wondered how it has happened for Jones, the second time _he_ met him; what Jefferson has said, what they have did or what kind of crazy adventures they have shared.

Jefferson always felt like he kept betraying his only friend. He would never admit it though. He didn’t do friends.  

He opened his eyes and turned around. He ignored the sword which caressed his cheek in a delicate and dangerous touch. He looked at the Pirate and Jones raised one eyebrow. It always did weird things to his face. A chuckle escaped from the Hatter’s lips. He didn’t mean to but the situation brought an impression of déjà vu he couldn’t help but find funny.

“What are you laughing for?”

“I don’t think you can _hop_ anywhere with this Hat on your own.”

“Well, _you_ can,” he pointed out and it sounded like he was making an old joke on Jefferson’s childish behavior. Jones recognized him, then. Jefferson smirked at that. It felt alien on his own face. He wondered for how long Grace didn’t see her father’s smile and guilt made his stomach churn. It made him nauseous. Jones looked down at Jefferson’s coat and laughed. The sound was strangely familiar and it gave Jefferson a strong feeling he was craving for. He wouldn’t admit it though. He never was this kind of person.  

The blade of Jones’ sword slid to Jefferson’s pocket. “You went fishing, mate?” A quick move and the fish that was tossing and turning in his coat fell on the floor.

Jefferson tried to remind deadpan. “Don’t call me that.” He wondered if this truly was the second meeting. He had no idea how the Hat worked when used that way. He always followed the rules of the Hat because the contrary was dangerous but how was he supposed to act when he didn’t know them? He was pretty sure he shouldn’t have come here. Wherever _here_ was. Whenever.

 _Whatever_.

It was too late to go back. Jefferson didn’t really want to waste precious minutes that he could gain with his wife in spending it with the last person he wanted to face in the world.

“As glad as I am to see you’re doing great,” Jefferson looked up and down at the Pirate and noticed he seemed younger than he was in Oz but still stood as the insufferable child from Neverland did, “I have some unfinished business waiting for me.”

“How rude of you. I thought we might catch up for the lost time. Aren’t you curious about me?” Jefferson contemplates the offended look on Jones’ face with honest disbelief.

“No.” He was half lying but he really needed to go. Maybe, just maybe, he couldn’t stand to face him after last time after all. Huh. Mary Ann made an impression on him, right? He fought a smile and pretended to be irritated. “Like I said, I have an unfinished business waiting to be finished so… I guess I will see you… when I will see you. Next time.” _Past time_ , he thought.

The sword still was way too close of his throat and it made him uneasy. They exchanged a look before Jefferson stepped back. Jones didn’t make a move. He merely observed him with the same curiosity than last time, threatening blade forgotten. “You are older that I remember.”

“You don’t say. Everyone didn’t live in Neverland for centuries.” Jefferson couldn’t help but recall the feeling of rejection. _Home_. Regina said. _You took it from me._ The anger replaced the guilt and he wasn’t pretending to be slightly annoyed anymore. “And yet you are old and ugly.” The fake polite face Jefferson was drawing hurt his muscles because of  months of inactivity. He lost his smugness, what a shame.

“The women who disagree with this statement are countless,” and Jefferson wanted to punch this cocky smile off this stupid face but the gentleman he once was looked for a snarky remark to response instead. Jones didn’t give him the time to think at one before he added, “but I guess you wouldn’t know much about women wearing those secondhand clothes. What happened to your nobility?”

The man was such an indelicate child even after all these years.

“How did you recognize me if I’m just an old and filthy man?”

“It’s called _aura_ and yours is easy to recognize with the desperate need to be loved. “

“Really? I’m surprised you know about that. Love is a sentence only adults would want to suffer. Children can’t understand it; but after all, how could you miss something you never knew?” Jefferson let his frustration, his guilt, his anger, his _misery_ slipped and it sounded like spit and seemed to feel like a slap, if he trusted Jones’ body language. He honestly didn’t care about what Jones thought of that and the look of sympathy on his face was too much to handle. So Jefferson turned his back on him and started walking. He repressed the need to look back to make sure the pirate didn’t follow him although he still felt the weight of his presence inside him, like ball and chains attached to his soul; crushing his lungs.  

 _I am not this kind of person_ , Jefferson reminded himself.

Jefferson recognized the city because he spent a whole summer here with Anne when he was eight. It has been the worst idea his father could ever have at the time, sending him to his fiancée. They had a lot of arguments about how to be a perfect adventurer but he admitted she wasn’t half bad when it came to be a storyteller. He confessed a decade later he had hidden in a dark corner of the communal room every evening after diner listening to her reading to her mother. The memory of her mother made him wince. She was nice but she smelt like mint and dust so much that he had tasted it on his tongue every time she had leant to kiss his cheek.

The castle of Mary Ann’s family wasn’t far from the city. However, he didn’t know what to do now. The magic of the Hat was like a spring breeze on his head. Jefferson didn’t know if it was warning him or comforting him.

He wanted to keep Mary Ann alive, he wanted to keep her with him, he wanted her to be there for Grace... He was sure she would have been the best mother. Not that he knew a lot of mothers for comparisons since his died when he was very young. He has no memory of her but a goodnight kiss and he wasn’t even sure he didn’t make this up in regard to fill the hole she left in his heart. If he had to imagine what should be a mother, he sure would picture this person as Mary Ann.

As he walked to the castle, Jefferson wondered how old she was; here and now. He feared he was wrong and the Hat didn’t bring him to her. The alternative was disturbing for a reason he didn’t want to think of. He just walked for a while until he heard steps behind him in the dark street. He turned around to see Jones about twenty feet away from him. He didn’t stopped and didn’t say anything. He kept walking and ignored his follower. He sighed when the steps behind him came shorter and louder. Now that he acknowledged his presence, the Pirate sure wanted to join him in his walk. _Great…_  

“You should never turn your back to a pirate. You never know what they could do.”

“It is only dangerous if you upset them, actually.”

Jones feigned hurt and here it was: the theatrical gestures, the exaggerated eyebrows and the talking like if the words were playing with his tongue in a way that reminded Jefferson of imps. Or Rumple. “I _am_ upset! You don’t seem afraid of me and you are disrespectful,” the Pirate shrugged, “ _I_ want to kill you.”

“By all means, I have no time for your games.”

“You became so serious, mate.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“The more you tell me these exact words, the more I want to give you nicknames.” Jefferson sighed again. He wasn’t only annoyed, he was also tired. He didn’t have a good night of sleep for weeks now and the way Jones was bugging him was as relentless as a giant mosquito. “I liked you better when you couldn’t stop following me everywhere I went.”

“That was ages ago. I’ve been a lost boy. I’ve been a pirate. Now I’m trying to be a grownup.”

“Trust me, once you’re a lost boy, you don’t just stop being that after ten years of murders.” The words actually sounded bittersweet in his ears and it took him aback. It wasn’t as an awful sound as it has been in Oz. More like a regret.

Jefferson merely stated, “I didn’t kill anyone.”

“Of course you didn’t.” Strangely enough, Jefferson was sure it was not a sarcasm.

They walked until the end of the city and the castle was nearer and nearer. Jones kept telling him about his adventures, checking – in a not so subtle way – on the Hatter’s face for any reaction. There was none. Not that Jefferson didn’t listen though he really tried not to. The look on the Pirate’s face was priceless, that’s all. He seemed to see this as a challenge and strove doubly hard with life and death stories about dragons, evil mermaids and terrible curses. It actually was the most fun Jefferson had for a very long time. It became harder and harder to faint annoyance.

“What happened to you?”

The words escaped in spite of himself. Jefferson didn’t mean to ask and the question didn’t even pop up in his mind before his mouth chose to articulate it. Well— yes, maybe it was a lie; sort of. He wondered since the second he realized the man who tied him up in Oz was Killian Jones to be honest. However, the Pirate didn’t seem offended to be interrupted in what was the most suicidal adventure Jefferson ever heard of – because, frankly, you don’t start prank wars with foxes, those are the most cruel tricksters, irrespective of world. Instead, Jones looked the ground, then the sky with a sad smile.

Jefferson guessed Jones missed the Wind. He talked about it the night they met. Jefferson has tried and failed at pretending not to be too excited, asking about fairy dust and flying among the clouds. The young spirit of the air Jones once was has laughed at him like the insufferable child he still was. Then, he has been whirling around him very fast, making the red leaves flew in a tornado. And Jefferson has been in the center. He has almost lost his balance. Jones has brushed his shoulders, his sweet breath smelling like rain against his cheek and their noses touching. _Close your eyes_ , his magical voice has said. Jefferson has obeyed. Jones has took his hands and they have been in the air in no time, whirling so fast in a perfect circle, with so many colors, so many sensations, so many sounds, so many— _everything_. Red and crackles from the leaves around them. Blue and freezing from the moonlight. Blinding and surrounding by the Wind. He has laughed. _They_ have laughed _together_. Jefferson knew now the Hat felt the same. After his feet has been on the ground again, it had been impossible to stand, everything has been spinning. Jones has told him about the Wind, warm and protective and safe. It was natural, though. It wasn’t magical. Well, it was but… Another kind of magic was at work. It was the first time the Hatter has felt the rules of the world he was in, gently teaching to his body how to behave.      

Back in the present, Jefferson jumped when Jones spoke again, his voice wasn’t the same. It sounded… human and bitter. Jefferson wanted to beat it out of him because this memory, right now? This awful sound was spoiling it. “There is this curse in Neverland I didn’t know about. Time doesn’t exist over there but the thing is… The balance has to be maintain somehow. There will always be a pirate and a boy fighting for something they don’t understand. I killed Captain James Hook. Then a Sea Witch came to me and said something like,” and his tone changed as he imitated the witch’s voice, trying to be funny and annoyingly charming again. He almost succeeded. “ _It’s your turn now. Your did your time and now you have to put his coat on. A coat painted with the blood of all the captains who wore it before you._ Isn’t it the most disturbing thing you would ever hear? Anyway… I left Neverland because I didn’t want to be him. I wanted to keep my… freedom.”

Jefferson huffed. “And I wanted to be like you.”

“And now I wish I was more like you because now I am a pirate and mermaids don’t think I am pretty anymore.” His sneer made Jefferson scowl.

“I am responsible for the death of my wife.”

Jones merely shrugged like if the revelation was nothing. “I killed plenty of wives. More like _men’s_ wives, actually. I usually keep the women alive and none mourns for their husbands for long.“ Jones made something with his eyebrow and Jefferson could easily read between the lines. The thought of Jones near Mary Ann give him a disgusted taste in the mouth.

Jefferson kept on as if Jones never spoke. “I’m running with my daughter in an exile she doesn’t deserve and makes us miserable. _That_ because I seduced the queen Regina who I lied to and now I am here trying to fix it.”

“Is this a contest? Because I would hate to lose. Queens are devious by the way. You can’t trust them. You should have know that. Every pirate knows that.” Jefferson rolled his eyes at the remark. Jones smirked.

“I just—,” Jefferson stopped. He didn’t want to talk about anything with Jones and yet couldn’t stop himself. “Grace deserves to be loved and I don’t know how to— how to love.” _Love_. The word was rough on the end of his tongue as it crushed against his teeth. “She is the most amazing child you would ever met. So strong. And very sweet. Like her mother. Sometimes, she asks about her and I can’t say anything. Mary Ann was much better than me when it came to talk.” He sounded miserable to his own ears.

He was surprised when Jones’ nonchalance made him feel better. He would have feel even more dejected by himself if the other man has gave him pity instead. “Wow, aren’t you mummy of the year? I have to say I’m impressed.” He really sounded impressed, for the record.

“Stop talking.”

Jones’ shrugged again. “Just saying.”

They walked in a comforting silence for a while. Jefferson’s pace was slowing but if Jones noticed he didn’t say anything.

Suddenly, “You grew up nice.” They shared glances. “I’m not sure I could do… _this_.” Jefferson could hear Jones was as frightening by the idea of being a father that he felt. “Fortunately, Milah doesn’t want kids.”

Jefferson hid his smirk. He couldn’t believe after all the talk they had about the Pirate’s love affairs, there was a _Milah_. “Your girl, I assume?” Jones smile. A real smile, not a smirk. Jefferson softened at this.

“Milah isn’t like any girl; she’s… a kindred spirit. We met in a tavern a couple of times.”

Jefferson snorted. “Sounds special, indeed.”

Jones glared but didn’t comment on it. “I found her on my ship one day. She wanted adventures. Women on ships are bad signs but I let her do things and… she saved my life more often that I can count. No one ever thought I—“

“—deserved to be saved. You felt like she changed something in you and then she spent months helping you to realize it was already there… you just didn’t know.” Killian looked at him carefully. “Mary Ann made me feel this way.”

There is a silence. They shared this silence. They were looking at each other and something sparkled in Jefferson. And then Jones looked straight before him. “What are you going to do, now?”

Jefferson froze when he realized where they were; _when_ they were. A time to make a decision. The castle was right in front of them now. It didn’t feel right though. He breathed in and thought about it. Really thought about it. What will happen once he changed his story? What were the rules of the Hat now? This question made him shiver more than any other. He could guess them. Rumple told him the universal Rules of Magic. One, no killing people. Two, no bringing people back from the dead. Three, no making people fall in love… He knew those. He couldn’t care less when his wife was involved though. At least, it was what he has thought before he almost drown; before his breath has been taken away by a sharp blade. Now it felt different somehow.

He didn’t know why but he looked at Jones standing by his sides. He seemed more patient that Jefferson ever saw him. Jefferson’s hand came up to touch the Hat on his head, looking for comfort and answers. The Magic of it was still vibrating around his skull; inside his head. He wondered for a brief moment if Jones was real. Then, the Pirate raised an eyebrow in the clear purpose to point out how strange the Hatter’s behavior was but the only thing that it showed was worry and curiosity.

Jefferson breathed out. He didn’t mean to hold his breath. The sparkles he felt before came back and it gave him more strength than ever. He turned his attention to the castle’s doors and tried a step ahead, just to be sure. And yes, it felt wrong. The Hat stopped singing when Jefferson came back near Jones one more time. The Pirate looked carefully at him, didn’t move an inch, kept his eyes on his— _on him_ the entire time. Jefferson’s lips curved in a tiny smile as he understood what the Hat was trying to say. Once again, the universe’s “rules” danced around him, curling against his skin until they sank in.

The air in his lungs seemed purer and his body less heavy than before. He was still able to feel it. The magic of all things. The exhilarating feeling of life and joy all around him. Even the Wind pushed him away from the castle and his back received his touch as a warm comfort. He remembered the way it sighed in his ear when he played hide and seek with his beautiful daughter or the way it caressed his hair when they fell asleep in her favorite spot under the tree behind the house.

_Any form of love._

And after all this time, he realized the sensation was the same when Mary Ann was the one whispering in his ear and patted his head. She was still here, all around him. Forever.

“I’m—” Jefferson’s voice was rough because of the emotion. He cleared his throat. “I’m going to be a good father for Grace.”

Jones looked relief to see the Hatter snapped out of it. He smirked. “Sounds like a plan.”

Jefferson stepped towards the city, Hat in hand. “It should have been the only one from the start.”

“You’re leaving already?” It has a sweet note in it and Jefferson couldn’t help but laugh. He looked at Jones and gave him the smuggest smile he was able to. It felt like his usual face again.

“Did you actually miss me? How sweet of you! I am touched.”

Jones brushed him as he walked past him. “Aye, just _hop_ in your damn Hat, I’m tired of you already.”

“It’s not _hopping_ , moron.” The Hatter answered without heat before he whiling his magical portal.

Jones turned to Jefferson a last time with a friendly smile. “See you, mate. I’m looking forward a far more exciting adventure next time.”

“Me too, my friend.” And the Hatter jumped.

It was still dark when Jefferson came back to the Enchanted Forest. The second after he closed the door behind him, he heard a cry from Grace’s bed and his blood froze in his veins. Jefferson checked on his daughter but she was still asleep. She was having a nightmare. He put the Hat back in its box before he sat in the end of the bed. His hand brushed her cheek before he lightly shook her shoulder. As soon as Grace opened her eyes, her arms curled around her father’s neck in a tight embrace. She was trembling. He hushed her and kissed her temple.

“I dreamt you left me… I was so scared, papa.” She sniffed in his neck and he closed his eyes. His hand drew circles in her back.

“I won’t ever leave you. Never.” She nodded and he made her lay back. “Go back to sleep. I’ll stay with you, don’t worry.” This time she shook her head. She looks terrified and tears were about to fall. It broke his heart. “Do you— Would you like it if I told you a story? So you can forget about the nightmares?” Jefferson never did it before. It wasn’t his thing. He didn’t even touch the cover of a book since Mary Ann died. He was afraid not to feel anything anymore. As if the kind of magic that brought books and imagination wouldn’t work because Death took it from him. He wanted to try though. Tonight, Jefferson wanted to be a good father. He heard the Wind against the window encouraging him. He breathed in. Grace just nodded with avid and surprised eyes. She looked so much like her mother right now; a patient smile hidden in the corner of her lips and curious eyes waiting to be filled with wonders.

Jefferson breathed out.

“Once upon a time—,” and the Hatter told the story about the Lost Boys fighting pirates. He did it like Mary Ann used to; like if the words weren’t big enough for the action, like if the wide gestures he made actually meant he hold a sword, like if he was afraid of the Crocodile – which, he never was, really – and finally, when the hero of the story came back home and when the White Queen asked him what he wanted as a reward for saving her people from the ugly pirates, Jefferson asked for a kiss. Grace laughed and kissed him on the cheek. It was familiar and warm. Jefferson took her hand and kissed her fingers.

She waited a few seconds before asking “You forgot something.”

“What is that?”

“You have to say _the end_ so I know the story is finished.”

Jefferson smiled like he did sometimes. Patient and loving. He assumed it was the way fathers smile. “Stories never end.” Grace looked at him with curiosity and frowned, thinking harder and harder to understand what he meant. She was adorable.

And the words Jefferson always kept secret since Mary Ann rushed to his lips. For the first time, the words didn’t seem painful to him. It wasn’t dangerous to think them anymore. So he told them, wanting to know how they would feel.

“I love you, Grace.”

It was easy.

“I love you too, papa.”

It was more than enough.


End file.
